Dear Game Designers: A love hate relationship

As I work in the field of video game development I get to see the process that games undertake before they become saleable to the huddled masses. I understand that Video games are a huge undertaking and can take much longer than films to make. Now after ‘understanding’ what Dev teams have to go through let me tell you what gamers have to go through.

This is the average game buying day for any modern gamer:

1. Finally decide what awesome new game I wish to spend my hard earned cash on

2. Overcome the fact that video games are a major purchase and this is the amount of money I will be parting with

3. Spend many hours on sellers website to get the best price (feel great when I find it for £3 less than other stores)

4. Proceed to shop. Deal with what seem to be retarded store clerks & scene kids trying to buy the latest puke green shirt with a skull on

5. Finally get home and turn on the console that I have decided to buy said game for

6. Play through 3 levels of the most bug filled piece of shit the earth has currently encountered all the while ringing off sound bites such as “Are you shitting me, you dirty little pidgin sniffer?”

7. 2 weeks later play the game again (after waiting for 30 mins for the patch to download) and realise that they have fixed but 30% of the filth that I can tell at first glance is broken worse than Julian Assange’s credit rating

Dear game designers,
We are  fans of video games and despite most titles being completely broken on launch day we still enjoy your flavours of interactive entertainment but please, please, please for the love of Yoshimitsu STOP FUCKING THINGS UP! If it isn’t ready, it isn’t ready. We can deal with delays but what we cannot deal with for much longer is your absolute arse-clenchingly busted up code infecting our ‘Special me time’ We want to boom headshot, hadouken, handbrake, fly, jump not fall through the fucking floor unable to respawn or restart the level/checkpoint.

Thank you for your time

Gamers around the world